$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$ Wealth Healthy Women Newsletter Healthy Attitudes ==> Wealthy Women [TM] June, 2002 $=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$ WELCOME to Wealth Healthy Women [TM], a free e-mail newsletter for women seeking greater financial freedom and well-being. To subscribe to this free e-mail newsletter please send an e-mail to Lynne@WealthHealthy.com. In the subject line put "Subscribe Newsletter". $=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$ IN THIS ISSUE: 1. Note From Your Editor, Lynne 2. Article: Pillar Three of Financial Self-Esteem: Financial Self-Responsibility 3. Book Spotlight: Personal Finance for Dummies 4. WealthHealthy Announcements ^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^ -=- Note From Lynne -=- Hello! I hope that you are taking some time to savor the abundance of summer. I just returned from a wonderful bike trip in the Alsace region of France. Travel is a big part of "living my dream" -- exploring the world in an active way, whether it be biking, hiking, maybe kayaking in the future, and taking in the sights, smells and tastes of the culture that I'm in. I'm anticipating Vietnam in August, and can hardly wait for this next adventure! Planning is an important part of my "adventure process." I really enjoy finding ways to do what I want, such as taking 3 trips a year, without "breaking the bank." To be honest, it's more like a heady sense of glee when I can make happen what I want to happen. And, I believe that this feeling of power and success derives from embracing the third pillar of financial self-esteem, Financial Self-Responsibility, which is the featured topic of this issue. ~ ~ ~ ~ Summer is the time to indulge ourselves in vacations, outdoor cafes, reading light fiction at the beach, lounging on the porch, puttering in the garden. I invite you to indulge yourself in a three-session WealthHealthy teleclass: Raising your FS-E* Quotient -- see the WealthHealthy Announcements for details! (*FS-E = Financial Self-Esteem) Warmly, Lynne ^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^ -=Feature Article: Financial Self-Responsibility=- $=$ BACKGROUND $=$ In the last two issues, we covered the financial self-esteem pillars of living consciously with money and money self-acceptance. Key points so far include: * Having the courage to look at the hard realities of your money life. * Identifying your money attitudes, feelings and habits without judgment * Understanding that self-acceptance builds from the way you HANDLE difficulties and setbacks when changing money attitudes, feelings and habits. In other words, action often is necessary to achieve a shift in self-esteem, rather than waiting for better self-esteem to take action. $=$ FINANCIAL SELF-RESPONSIBILITY $=$ Notice your reactions to this statement: "You alone are responsible for your financial well-being." See if any of these women's responses are similar to yours: - Janelle, 31 and single, responds in an annoyed voice: "Of course I'm responsible for my financial well-being. I've had to be responsible all my life." - Anita, 36 and divorced, feels guilty and embarrassed. "I know I should be doing more to manage my money; I just never do anything about it." - Beth Ann, 45 and married, questions "How can I be solely responsible for my financial well-being when I'm married -- and married to a guy who feels that he can spend whatever and whenever he wants to?" These three women's reactions speak to a range of reasons why many women do not feel good about handling money and don't take charge of their money lives. As the eldest of six children, Janelle felt constantly badgered to take on household responsibilities to help out her mother, as well as to excel in school. Being responsible felt like a demand. Janelle now resents having to plan and manage her finances, and her overspending often reflects this resentment. The idea of managing her own finances feels overwhelming to Anita, not because she isn't bright enough to do it. Anita holds a "money myth" from her early family history, as well as her previous marriage, that women don't know as much about the world of work and money as men do. She constantly doubts her judgment and consequently doesn't take steps to take charge of her finances. Beth Ann sees her husband as the dominant force in their relationship as far as money and major financial decisions go. He states his wants and opinions firmly, and Beth Ann has typically responded by compromising around money matters. She finds arguing with her husband to be frustrating and unsatisfying, so she has learned to "shut up to keep the peace." How can financial responsibility be viewed and experienced differently by these women, as well as the rest of us? ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ * Taking self-responsiblity for your financial well-being is about being respons-ive to yourself. As a coach, I hold many conversations with clients about accountability, an important aspect of responsibility. These conversations often conjure up negative images of being "held accountable" by parents, teachers, and other authority figures for doing chores, homework, practicing an instrument, to name a few. If these are the images in our minds, it's no wonder that we react to, or at least are ambivalent about, "taking responsibility" or holding ourselves accountable for what we say we want in our money life. Yet, what would it be like to think about responsibility and accountability without judgment, badgering or criticism? To think about it as being responsive to yourself -- deciding what goals YOU want, and then checking in periodically to see what's happened so far as you work towards them. Doesn't this perspective create a different image and emotional reaction? Imagine how Janelle's experience will be different as she embraces this perspective of self-responsibility. * Taking self-responsibility means challenging money myths and messages that discount our true capabilities in money matters, and result in self-criticism when we don't take charge of our money life. There are many forms that our money myths and messages can take. They typically come from learning experiences in our past that we have internalized. Over time, they result in assumptions and beliefs that act like filters that influence our thoughts, feelings and actions. "Men are better in the worlds of work and money than women", Anita's money myth, is an example. This myth has become her belief, resulting in doubt and non-action, which results in feelings of guilt and embarrassment. What is important to remember is that these money myths and messages orginally were EXTERNAL, from outside of us. They were learned and internalized. Anything that is learned can be unlearned and relearned in a more adaptive way. It can be hard for us, however, to determine the money myths and messages that influence us, since we live with them every day. This is where a good friend, mentor, or coach can help us to identify those unrealistic thoughts and beliefs about money that get in the way of being truly responsive to our goals and see our choices. * Taking responsibility for your financial choices is empowering and builds confidence. When you make choices about your money, you take ownership of authority that is rightfully yours. You don't abdicate your authority by default (doing nothing) or to someone else. Making choices is empowering. And, making choices about your money builds confidence in your ability to manage your money life. It's important to remember here that confidence isn't a quality that some people are born with, and the rest of us wish we had. Confidence is gained by taking steps. Beth Ann, for example, is learning to define her financial needs and opinions more clearly, and to assert them in discussions with her husband, taking one small step at a time. Furthermore, it is very important that when we take steps that they are ones that are likely to achieve our goals. Taking ineffective steps is likely to undermine confidence and have unintended results, as Beth Ann is learning. You may want to get assistance from a friend, mentor or coach here to discuss your action steps in order to increase the probability of your success. $=S TIPS $=$ 1. Write down your answers to the following questions (these are just a few that you can ask yourself): - What did I learn about responsibility as I was growing up? - What did I learn about responsibility as an adult (after age 18)? - Are there ways I am abdicating responsibility in my money life today? If so, what are those financial responsibilities that I am not taking charge of? ** If you check in and find that you ARE being self-responsible in the ways that you want to be, give yourself a pat on the back! 2. Read over your answers, and ask yourself: Are there any money myths or messages that I hold that are interfering with being self- responsible? And if so, how are they affecting my attitudes, feelings, and habits? 3. Ask yourself what you would like to be doing differently with money (e.g., organize your finances, spend within your means, learn more about investing, etc.) Write your responses down. 4. Ask yourself, what would be my first action step toward my goal (Step 3)? An action step could include challenging an interfering money message. Take that step during the next week -- keep it simple -- and then observe the results. 5. As always, remember this is a process. Steps build on one another. Notice how your confidence and sense of empowerment shift as you take steps, check in on the results, and redirect your efforts to achieve your goal. From my experience, taking financial self-responsibility takes awareness and effort, but the results are well worth it! **Missing copies of the three previous issues on Financial Self-Esteem? Send an e-mail to Lynne@WealthHealthy.com requesting the overview article; Pillar 1, Living Consciously with Money; and\or Pillar 2, Financial Self-Acceptance. ^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^ -=- Personal Finance for Dummies -=- Talk about taking financial self-responsibility, I must admit that despite investing for years, I still don't understand how bonds work. I have had the concepts explained to me numerous times by financial advisors, but somehow they don't sink in and "stick." I decided to consult my shelf of personal finance books to "crack this nut." Honestly, I'm still reading and learning, but I ran across the book "Personal Finance for Dummies" during my search. While some readers may react to the whole idea of a "Dummies" series, I found some useful concepts simply explained in the volume. What I liked most of all was a note from the author, Eric Tyson, MBA, entitled: "What is your relationship with money?" (p. 23). Tyson is a financial counselor, syndicated columnist and best-selling personal finance book author. Tyson states: "Over the years in my work as a financial counselor, I've learned that how a person relates to and feels about money has a great impact on how good he is at managing his money and making important financial decisions." Words after my own WealthHealthy heart! Tyson has written Personal Finance for Dummies in a style that addresses practical solutions to common financial situations along with the mental and emotional side of those issues. He includes simple exercises to help you figure out your financial fitness. Other chapters cover reducing your spending and debt, taming taxes, building wealth with wise investments, planning for retirement, and buying the appropriate insurance for your needs. Personal Finance for Dummies is user friendly with detailed Table of Contents and Index for looking up specific topics of interest. Concepts are distilled and clearly explained. There is also a chapter offering advice on finding financial assistance. Tyson, Eric. (2000). Personal Finance for Dummies, 3rd Edition. Forster City, CA: IDG Books. ~ ~ ~ ~ If you have read a book that has made a difference in your money life, send a one or two paragraph review to Lynne@WealthHealthy.com. As long as it meets certain editorial guidelines, I'll publish the review in a future issue to share with other WealthHealthy readers. ^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^` $$ WealthHealthy Announcements $$ -=- Teleclasses: -=- **In response to comments of WHW readers, we are offering teleclasses at lunchtime -- like a Brown Bag Lunch series on the phone. We continue to offer evening sessions, so please note that the following mini-class has two sections. (Also, let me know if a pre-work series, for example at 7:30 am Eastern time, would be better for your schedule) Raising Your FS-E* Quotient (*Financial Self-Esteem) Financial self-esteem is the foundation on which we manage our money and make important financial decisions. Doesn't it make sense to have "rock-solid" financial self-esteem? This 3-session mini-class is designed to help you achieve that goal. Through specific exercises, you will assess your current level of financial self-esteem and decide where it can use strengthening. We'll discuss the six pillars of self-esteem as they relate to the details of your life. And by making use of various coaching tools and the wisdom of the group members, you will leave the class with specific action steps to raise your FS-E quotient! Details: When: Section A: Tuesdays, July 16, 23, 30 Noon - 1:00 PM, Eastern Time Section B: Tuesdays, July 23 and 30; August 6 7:00 - 8:00 PM, Eastern Time Where: The comfort of your home or office! When you register, you will receive the telephone number to call for the teleclass. How much: $59.00 for the three-session class, with a minimum of five and maximum of 12 participants per class. How do I register? Send an e-mail to: Lynne@WealthHealthy.com, with "Register" in the Subject line. In the body of the e-mail, please include your name, e-mail address, phone number and which section you would like to take. If you have specific questions about the class, please put them in the e-mail as well. ^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^ To hear a 10-minute description of the WealthHealthy approach, as well as a bit about me, you can call 1-212-461-2660. If you are interested in coaching, simply e-mail me at Lynne@WealthHealthy.com or call me at (202) 387-5923. Please include your name, e-mail address, phone number and brief description of your interest in being coached. ^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^ Pass this newsletter along to friends, family, and colleagues who also may be interested in moving toward greater financial freedom and well-being. They can get their own free subscription by going to http://wealthhealthy.com and signing up -- it's as simple as typing in your e-mail address. Or, send an e-mail to whw-request@WealthHealthy.com with the word "subscribe newsletter" in the body of the letter. ^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^ PLEASE NOTE: Wealth Healthy Women [TM] is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not a substitute for financial, legal, accounting, psychotherapeutic, or other professional advice and consultation. ^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^ Copyright 2002 Lynne Hornyak. All rights reserved. The above material is copyrighted but you may retransmit or distribute it to whomever you wish as long as not a single word is changed, added or deleted, including the contact information. However, you may not copy it to a website without my permission. Reprint permission will be freely granted upon request. Advance written permission must be obtained for any reprinting of this material in modified or altered form. ^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^ $$ CONTACT INFORMATION $$ Lynne Hornyak, Ph.D. WealthHealthy.com Phone: (202) 387-5923 Fax: (202) 244-3373 e-mail: Lynne@WealthHealthy.com Web: http://WealthHealthy.com